Grumpy story about struggle alone.

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Im writing this shitty grumpy writes when I was sitting on a junk food restaurant that full of junior and senior high school kids, families with their toddler kids. When u’re here, u’ll scan the resto and see me with only my pc, sketchbook and a glass of pepsi. Sitting down, pretend to not care with my lonely condition.

I ‘always’ need a friend, actually and in fact. I love all of my friends that I have. I always love to chill out with them, cry out and just sit down over our foolish action beyond nation. Everything seems better when I have a friend to share for, even sometimes I have the leave-me-alone feelings.

Yes its true that I feel so alone till my half body feels like gone when I have nobody But I WONT. I always need people to connect, to react, to conclude, sparing my balls of idea, not only listening to me. I enjoy myself during lonely time, but for everyday in a lonely day?. Please, I hate that condition.

It seems like when Im alone, I start to feel angry and hate to anything cause its only me controlling my own thoughts.

Everything that people did in front of me when im alone is so stupid, suck, and make me sick. They are so yikes, what they’re talking about and I heard is so trashy. I keep curse them anyway cause I hate them happy with their friends. They talk alot like they dont know that this is me in front of you who feel so alone, and angry, and want to throw your table away.

DSCN2650.jpgI do travel through my country alone, in a tasks of work, study, or only a vacancy. 80% of that travelling I did alone. Its strange how I feel that I hate people being so annoying when they chill out with their friend and I stayed infront of them with my stupid sketch book and what I only read except book o article on wordpress is my only mind. I started to blame people that they are so annoying, not realize that it is me burried my self in a quite lonely place of mind. I keep digging deeper myself into a quite place that I wont but I already diving into it. AND cause i face it like everyday I feel that this situation is my habitat. The darker, the silencer.

You might see or meet or talk with me as a girl with a lot of thoughts and jokes, that’s because I keep thinking about it 18945900980938904times a day. AND when you see me chill with my friend, its just a 0,6% of my total life in a month. So thats why when I stay together with my friend I kept make a jokes to myself, to em, or to the waiters.

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Yes,

I grow up as a lonely girl, and die as a lonely girl? I really dont want to be that kind of human. Maybe people see me as a strong girl who dont need somebody to help, who said that? That statement is killing me, is killing us whose trying to strugle alone and pretend that we’re good to be. I do have a job and tasks to do, but this feelings of lonely is soooooooo bothering me.alone.

It’s

All

Sucks

Always sucks.

Being alone 98% in a year is sucks.

its a world contain of 9483982758234872billion of people and I feel alone? doest it feels like Im wasting my time?

Lagi malas bahasa Inggris-an.

tangisan

Seharusnya di usiaku yang tak lagi muda aku sudah bekerja, bisa membeli segala hal yang aku suka. Alih-alih membahagiakan orang tua dan menghadiahi mereka kebanggaan tentang pekerjaan dan gaji, aku malah masih meminta support mereka untuk lanjut es dua. Aku malu belum pernah bekerja. Membayangkan instansi dan korporasi saja sudah membuatku enggan berdera.

Aku merangkum perjalananku membandingkan kota-kota terkenal di pulau Jawa, Indonesia dalam sajak dengan akhiran huruf yang seragam. mencari nada dalam tolak yang beragam.

T. Menjadi elang, terbang dalam keegoisan adalah hal yang paling pailit. Aku takbisa menghardik atau dihardik siapapun karena aku terbang sendiri mengikis pemikiran yang sempit. Pernah aku berfikir, apa salahnya menjadi sempit?. Menjunjung idealisme yang kuanggap kongkrit. Tak perduli orang menganggap aku tak mau bangkit. Tapi benar juga, aku butuh mereka yang lebih lemah agar aku bisa menilai apakah ini layak disebut ide buncit yang kian berdecit.

A. Aku bisa dibilang cukup banyak berkelana. Mengunjungi kota-kota di Indonesia meski masih seputaran pulau Jawa. Aku tahu, banyak perbedaan di sini dan di sana. Sebut saja 5 kota besar di Indonesia, mereka memiliki kekhasan nilai, keseharian dan estetika.

Ng. Jakarta misalnya, kota dengan 1001 umpatan di jalan dan 300 lebih orang berjalan dengan menggunakan setelan kantor di siang hari hingga malam menjelang. Malamnya, mereka terlihat sibuk di cafe menekan tuts token atm warna biru dengan dengan meja dipenuhi laptop, kopi dan raut kurang senang. Satu hal yang kosong adalah kepedulian mereka dengan sekitar yang tak lengang. Surabaya sama persis pemandangannya dengan Jakarta, mereka adalah saudara yang tak lekang. Menyerap perantau untuk terus datang.

Is. Yogyakarta, Bandung, dan Malang tak bisa disamakan dengan dua kota diatas yang amis. Di tiga kota ini semua terlihat lebih melankolis. Loncat ke Malang, ia adalah kota dengan pemandangan alam yang elitis. Kau boleh saja mendebat, tapi Malang memberiku beragam konsep alam tanpa satiris. Bandung mungkin sedikit penuh memoar karena ia dekat dengan Jakarta yang matrealis. Yogyakarta penuh kesenian tak bisa disangkal disinilah kota dengan makna artis yang sebenarnya, bukan artis selebritis. Jika Bandung banyak memoar, Yogya banyak sudut puitis. Yogyakarta tempat tersantai meski semua berfikir secara retoris. Makanan tersaji dengan aroma yang manis. Mahasiswa berjalan dengan payung dalam cuaca gerimis. Tak sedikit pelancong datang untuk sekedar mencicipi nuansa harmonis.

An. Gabungan dua perbedaan karakter metropolis dan melankolis ada di Semarang yang temaram dengan gedung perkotaan. Semarang mengukir kisah mahasiswa dengan banyak harapan. Berharap tanahnya lapang, pendatang baru terus berdatangan. Mengisi gedung besar yang masih menyisakan kursi dalam ruangan. Memacu otak memenuhi dompet dan kenginan. Agar kelak hanya ada tawa dan tak ada tangisan.

watch porn as an art, could we?

I could bravely answer: NO, Not at all. I bet all people cant get easy watching porn content in any kind of media >> without turn on. But now, its not about turn on again, its about turn on to vomit. HOOOOORRRGGGHH.

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Its photography jerk!! you stuppid close-minded blogger, Im a high youtuber, you re just a poor blogger

Its been a long time not post my writings on this magnificent kind of blog that I have 500k subscriber and more, sooo sorry reader I need to finish all of my tasks as a college student. Maybe, all of you would think that I’m a kind of desperate blog writer who writes about porn and sex content as an art and I deny that people can afford it without turning on their sex-want-to-go things?. Haha. Yes U’re right. Im fuckin stressed out.

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Its art of my work! Im an artist! yay!

Yess as an human being no matter what your gender is we’ll always have a turning on a libido system just because when we saw it direct or not, but when it comes up in your phones too many times it will make you sick. Im sick of that, you na? you enjoy it? take that enjoyment things cause Im not.

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if you dont like me, dont follow me, but you cant keep your eyes scrolling out my feeds, duuumbbb vieweerrrss!!!

I start this write from a simple survey that I just asked to 20 of my friends and showing them a sex comic and let them reading it for a 10 secs, then I asked them: ‘u turn on or na?’ooor ‘r u turn on’ ? and see how many people say yes? 16, 4 is because they maybe too shy to say honest. so, porn in an art? and people accept it as another ideas of something? maybe they could turning left or right the truly meaning is, buuutt what they really feel at the first time is always about sex.

I just thought that every sex content in any kind media of art is torture us about it.

but how if it comes everyday even if we wont?

it keeps come up in your instagram explore fields

bothering

whispering

annoying

grossing

yachting

Soooo, in every morning I have a bad habits, I thought some of people now is feel the same things tho.

No, its not about the old mainstream named morning horny, its about morning srolly. Scrolling instagram’s timeline and see what’s happened there. Everything is okay and feel bored sometimes when I see my own timeline contain of post from people I followed. BUT what happened when I click the explore button?!?!? I just see thousand cleavage, sex comics, stupid-but-sexy karaoke singing duet video, sexy DJ with a big breasts, girl with  I AM SO ENOUGH WITH ALL OF THOSE STUPID RETARDED PORN CONTENT ACTUALLY.

those are too explodeeee!! blooms out over a porn and sex content on instagram become so gross, so meaningless, and not joyable to see and make me keep scrolling on em. Lay on my bed, feel nothing but,… scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. trapped in a stupid laziness moron habits.