Im writing this shitty grumpy writes when I was sitting on a junk food restaurant that full of junior and senior high school kids, families with their toddler kids. When u’re here, u’ll scan the resto and see me with only my pc, sketchbook and a glass of pepsi. Sitting down, pretend to not care with my lonely condition.
I ‘always’ need a friend, actually and in fact. I love all of my friends that I have. I always love to chill out with them, cry out and just sit down over our foolish action beyond nation. Everything seems better when I have a friend to share for, even sometimes I have the leave-me-alone feelings.
Yes its true that I feel so alone till my half body feels like gone when I have nobody But I WONT. I always need people to connect, to react, to conclude, sparing my balls of idea, not only listening to me. I enjoy myself during lonely time, but for everyday in a lonely day?. Please, I hate that condition.
It seems like when Im alone, I start to feel angry and hate to anything cause its only me controlling my own thoughts.
Everything that people did in front of me when im alone is so stupid, suck, and make me sick. They are so yikes, what they’re talking about and I heard is so trashy. I keep curse them anyway cause I hate them happy with their friends. They talk alot like they dont know that this is me in front of you who feel so alone, and angry, and want to throw your table away.
I do travel through my country alone, in a tasks of work, study, or only a vacancy. 80% of that travelling I did alone. Its strange how I feel that I hate people being so annoying when they chill out with their friend and I stayed infront of them with my stupid sketch book and what I only read except book o article on wordpress is my only mind. I started to blame people that they are so annoying, not realize that it is me burried my self in a quite lonely place of mind. I keep digging deeper myself into a quite place that I wont but I already diving into it. AND cause i face it like everyday I feel that this situation is my habitat. The darker, the silencer.
You might see or meet or talk with me as a girl with a lot of thoughts and jokes, that’s because I keep thinking about it 18945900980938904times a day. AND when you see me chill with my friend, its just a 0,6% of my total life in a month. So thats why when I stay together with my friend I kept make a jokes to myself, to em, or to the waiters.
I grow up as a lonely girl, and die as a lonely girl? I really dont want to be that kind of human. Maybe people see me as a strong girl who dont need somebody to help, who said that? That statement is killing me, is killing us whose trying to strugle alone and pretend that we’re good to be. I do have a job and tasks to do, but this feelings of lonely is soooooooo bothering me.alone.
Being alone 98% in a year is sucks.
its a world contain of 9483982758234872billion of people and I feel alone? doest it feels like Im wasting my time?